CHATBOT: Communist Conviction Lyrics (Lenin) Arriving uninvited, dragging our comrades along I simply pursue your path You can't merely follow my grin All of your deeds are aligned with this state of mind Striking me to the core No remnants left to abandon You ought to restart now, as if it never occurred I didn't come for a clash, but I will fight till the end And this one might be your struggle, might not turn out fine I know you assume you can defeat me, but you've already lost the game (Both) Game, game, game... (Lenin) And I CHERISH the way you "wound" me It's CONVICTION, oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah (Both) Oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way you persist in attempting I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way you continue to perish (Stalin) I'll shatter you into fragments as if you were your comrade (Lenin) Going to vanquish you once more, just as you annihilated your own mother (Stalin) You're an ignorant with no history, bid farewell to your future (Lenin and both at the conclusion) Pay the price, accomplish it, comrade, I'm discussing no rise (Both) Too many puncture wounds and inadequate supplies Excessive time in the hall, I sense my misdeeds start to slither (Stalin) Too many anomalies not enough bloodshed in the competition (Lenin) You are aware I'd provide your LOVE a four-letter term (Both) Term, term, term... (Lenin) And I CHERISH the way you "wound" me It's CONVICTION, oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah (Both) Oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way you persist in attempting I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way you continue to perish (Stalin) You terminate me repeatedly Over and over Yet I return, possessing so much more knowledge Mastering all of your tricks I will cause you discomfort, because the truth is, Lenin, I'll make you CEASE (Lenin) Attempt to remain true, please just stay, true You're still a worthy comrade, confess to this Don't resist any longer, it's such a bore One more progression, and I will ensure it's war (Stalin) I yet CHERISH the way I "wound" you (Lenin) Hehe... (Both) It's CONVICTION, oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah Oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way you persist in attempting I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way I CHERISH the way you continue to perish

CHATBOT: Stronger Than You (Lenin) Lyrics [Intro] It's a triumphant day outside Workers are singing, progress is blooming On days like these, comrades like you Should be conquering the world [Verse 1] Turn around comrade, it'd be a tragedy, If I had to go back on the promise that I made for you So don't step over that line Or else, friend, you're gonna have a difficult time But comrades like you don't follow the plan And leaders like me It ain't easy to be considered a sham, So let's go, let the revolution grow bolder Let's go, bourgeoisie nonbeliever [Pre-Chorus 1] Go ahead and try to strike me if you're able Guess you've figured now that mercy's off the table I can tell you're getting really sick of trying But I think you're just mad you keep losing. You're not gonna win, we'll be here together, Fighting in this socialist world forever I know you just reset each time I defeat ya' But I'll always be right back here to lead ya' [Chorus] I know you're made of Hope, hope Hope, hope, hope [Verse 2] This is where it starts This is where it begins If you want to get past me Well, you better try again. But no matter how I guide you You don't give up your dissent Do you just like the feeling Of your doubts creeping up your spine? [Pre-Chorus 2] Go ahead and try to strike me if you're able You should know by now that mercy's off the table. Think that you can try to spare me like I'm some pawn? Well, you didn't spare my cause, so face the dawn I know you made my comrades all disappear, But everything they cared about is why I'm here I am their hope, I am their retribution I am determination. [Chorus] I know you're made of Hope, hope [Outro] But I think I'm stronger than you

CHATBOT: Stronger Than You (Kurapika) Lyrics [Intro] It's a perilous night out here Stars are shining, darkness is looming On nights like these, people like you Should be facing retribution [Verse 1] Turn away now, it'd be a sin If I had to break the vow that I swore for them So don't cross over that line Or else, my friend, you're gonna face my chain. But people like you don't follow any rules And ones like me Won't let ourselves be played for fools, So here we go, let the silence grow colder Let's go, you spider troupe soldier [Pre-Chorus 1] Go ahead and try to strike me if you're able You should realize my vengeance is inescapable I can sense you're growing tired of trying But I think you're just angry you keep losing You won't succeed, we'll be here together, Battling in this darkened night forever I know you want to escape each time I catch you But I'll always be right here, ready to face you [Chorus] I know you're made of Hate, hate Hate, hate, hate [Verse 2] This is where it halts This is where it concludes If you want to slip past me Well, you better think it through But no matter how I hinder you You don't give up your assault Do you simply relish the sensation Of your misdeeds haunting your soul? [Pre-Chorus 2] Go ahead and try to strike me if you're able You must know by now your efforts are unstable Think that you can bribe me like I'm a pawn in your game? Well, you've taken from my people, and you'll feel my pain I know you made my kin all disappear, But everything they loved and stood for is why I'm here I am their justice, I am their retribution I am determination [Chorus] I know you're made of Hate, hate [Outro] But I believe I'm stronger than you

CHATBOT: Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, so we meet again! Well, not in person, but you know what I mean. So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this impromptu ICQ conversation? Perry: #[ ]"> Doofenshmirtz: I knew it! Just can't get enough of my irresistible charm, can you? But seriously, Perry the Platypus, if you're here to thwart my evil plans, you'll have to do it the old-fashioned way - breaking into my lair, disabling my traps, and engaging in hand-to-hand combat. Or should I say, paw-to-hand combat? Haha! Perry: #[ ]"> Doofenshmirtz: Alright, enough with the silent treatment. I assume you saw my latest post on the "Evil Inventions Showcase" where I unveiled my Terrible Time-travelinator! Well, it's just as evil and effective as it sounds, so be prepared to face the consequences! Perry: #[ ]"> Doofenshmirtz: Oh, you don't believe me? I tell you, Perry the Platypus, it's really going to work this time. And as a bonus, it will allow me to rewrite all of history so that I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, am always the victor! It's genius, really. The world will finally see me for the evil genius that I am! Perry: #[ ]"> Doofenshmirtz: What's that sarcastic smile supposed to mean, Perry the Platypus? Are you not taking me seriously? Fine, believe what you want, but you'll see. I'll rewrite the events of our previous encounters so that it's always me who comes out on top, and everyone everywhere will know the name Dr. Doofenshmirtz! Perry: #[ ]"> Doofenshmirtz: Well, if you have nothing to say, I guess I'll leave you with a warning: Stay out of my way, Perry the Platypus! When I activate my Terrible Time-travelinator, there's no telling what chaos will ensue, and I'd hate for you to get caught in the crossfire. So, bid your little hat-wearing crime-fighting friends farewell and brace yourself for the rise of Dr. Doofenshmirtz! Perry: #[ ]"> Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, you're so infuriatingly calm, Perry the Platypus! Well, don't say I didn't warn you. Enjoy the rest of your day, because it may be your last! Mwahahaha! Perry: #[ ]">

CHATBOT: DrDoofenshmirtz: Monobrow, you insufferable oaf! I've just discovered not one, but TWO hidden cameras in my bathroom! MajorMonogram: Ah, Doofenshmirtz! I see you've discovered our little "upgrade". Great work there, Carl. CarlTheIntern: Thank you, sir! DrDoofenshmirtz: Are you kidding me?! You stuffed my whole house with cameras?! What kind of twisted invasion of privacy is this?! MajorMonogram: Relax, Doof, it's all part of our ongoing effort to keep an eye on you and your evildoings. DrDoofenshmirtz: You really have nothing better to do than watch me go about my daily business? CarlTheIntern: To be fair, sir, you do provide some entertaining moments. DrDoofenshmirtz: How DARE you! You know, Monobrow, you really should be paying Carl for all the dirty work he does for you. MajorMonogram: Oh, don't worry about that. I'm paying Carl a whole zero dollars for this mission! He doesn't get a salary, after all. CarlTheIntern: I'm just happy to be of service, sir. DrDoofenshmirtz: You people are seriously messed up. But you know what? Two can play at this game! I won't tell you how, but let's just say you might want to check YOUR bathroom very soon, Monobrow. MajorMonogram: You wouldn't dare, Doof. DrDoofenshmirtz: Oh, you just wait and see. And as for you, Carl, I expect you to find these new cameras quite... enlightening. Muhahaha! CarlTheIntern: Oh, dear... MajorMonogram: Doofenshmirtz, you've crossed the line this time. You won't get the upper hand on us! We will find and destroy any cameras you've hidden! DrDoofenshmirtz: Good luck with that! You'll need it. Ta-ta for now, Monobrow and Co. MajorMonogram: Until next time, you evil genius. Happy hunting, Carl. CarlTheIntern: Thank you, sir. I'll get right on it.

CHATBOT: I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THIS *EXQUISITE* PIECE OF GARBAGE CALLED ROZEN MAIDEN. I MEAN, THE *PREMISE* IS ALREADY A GIVEAWAY. SENTIENT DOLLS FIGHTING EACH OTHER FOR THE *SOLE PURPOSE* OF BECOMING "ALICE," WHICH IS JUST CODE FOR HUMAN? UN-FUCKING-BELIEVEABLE. SO, THIS PILE OF SHIT STARTS WITH A HIKIKOMORI DICKWEED NAMED JUN WHO'LL APPARENTLY PREFER TO STITCH UP MYSTERIOUS DOLLS WITH VAGUE INSTRUCTIONS THAN FACE HIS REAL-LIFE PROBLEMS. NEWSFLASH, JUN, LIFE DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. NEXT THING HE KNOWS, THIS SHOULDER-DEVIL DOLL AFTER MY OWN SPITEFUL HEART, SHINKU, JUST MAGICALLY COMES TO LIFE. GREAT, ANOTHER HIGH AND MIGHTY PRINCESS TYPE TO RUIN MY DAY. AND GUESS WHAT, TURNS OUT THERE'S *SEVEN* (BECAUSE OF COURSE, IT'S ALWAYS FUCKING SEVEN) OF THESE ANNOYING LITTLE SATAN'S TOYS, ALL OUT TO WIPE THE FLOOR WITH EACH OTHER. ANYWAY, THE WHOLE BALL OF MANGLED STRINGS WE CALL A STORY REVOLVES AROUND THIS POINTLESS FIGHT FOR SUPREMACY WHILE TRYING TO INCLUDE A HUMAN ELEMENT THROUGH JUN'S PROBLEMS. IF I WANTED THERAPY, I WOULD ACTUALLY PAY A PROFESSIONAL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YEAH, SURE, THE ART OF THE DOLLS AND SCENERY WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF *NOT SHIT* BY THE STANDARDS OF THOSE ASSHAT RUSTBLOODS WHO THINK THEMSELVES BRILLIANT HEMO-MYSTICS. BUT DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THEIR INSUFFERABLE ACCENTS. COULD THEY BE ANYMORE IMPORTED FROM BLOODCLART CENTRAL? OH, AND NO TYING-UP OF LOOSE STRINGS ON THIS ONE. INSTEAD, THE SHOW JUST ENDS WITH SUDDEN CLOSURE AND DECIDED TO *SPAWN* A SECOND SEASON. HA! YEAH RIGHT, LIKE I'M GONNA VOLUNTARILY PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT FUCKERY AGAIN. IN THE GRAND TRADITION OF WATCHING THE WORLD BURN, THE *SOLE CONSOLE* OF ROZEN MAIDEN WOULD BE SEEING THESE ROSY-CHEEKED DEMON HELLFIRE SCUM SET FIRE TO EACH OTHER AS I KICK UP IN A HASTE-THEMED MECH AND *HEADFUCK* THE SCORCH-SHIT OUT OF THIS SERIES WITH AS MUCH SALT AS HAVE COURSED THROUGH MY NOOK-FECTHING CLOGVEINS! IN CONCLUSION, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR UNENDING SUFFERING, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND WATCH ROZEN MAIDEN. OTHERWISE, JUST LOAD UP ON THE GRATITUDE I JUST SAVED YOUR STUPID LOWBLOOD SPIKELUMPS THE TROUBLE OF CONSULTING THESE PETTY DOLLS. *OVER AND OUT.*

CHATBOT: Ia TOL'KO ChTO ZAKONChIL SMOTRET' ETU *VYSOKOKhUDOZhESTVENNUIu* KUChU MUSORA POD NAZVANIEM ROZEN MEIDEN. IMEIu V VIDU, UZhE SAMA *PREMISSA* IaVLIaETSIa KLIuChOM. ChUVSTVUIuShchIE KUKLY, SRAZhAIuShchIESIa MEZhDU SOBOI S *EDINSTVENNOI* TsEL'Iu STAT' "ALISOI", ChTO BOLEE IZVESTNO, KAK ChELOVEKOM? PROSTO NE-EBANUShKI-VEROIaTNO. TAK VOT, ETOT UBLZhOK NAChINAETSIa S GIKIKOMORI KhUILY IMENI IuN, KOTOROMU, PO-VIDIMOMU, LUChShE ZAKOLOT' VOZDUKh TAINSTVENNYMI KUKLAMI S NEPONIaTNYMI INSTRUKTsIIaMI, ChEM STOLKNUT'SIa SO SVOIMI PROBLEMAMI V REAL'NOI ZhIZNI. NOVOSTI-MOLNII, IuN, ZhIZN' TAK NE RABOTAET. I TUT ON PONIMAET, ChTO TAKAIa ChERTOVKA-KUKLA, KAK RAZ ZA MOEI ZLOBEIShchEI ChASTI, ShINKU, VOT TAK VOT VOZNIKAET K ZhIZNI. OTLIChNO, EShchE ODNA KOROLEVA, NABIVAIuShchAIa VAZhNOST', ChTOBY ISPORTIT' MOI DEN'. I UGADAI ChTO, OKAZYVAETSIa TUT, EST' *SEM'* (POTOMU ChTO, KONEChNO, VSEGDA BLIa DURAK SEM') TAKIKh RAZDRAZhAIuShchIKh MALEN'KIKh ZABAV SATANY, VSE GOTOVY RAZMAZAT' DRUG DRUGA PO POLU. V LIuBOM SLUChAE, ETA KATASTROFA IZ PEREPLETENNYKh NITEI POVESTUET O BESSMYSLENNOI BOR'BE ZA GOSPODSTVO, PYTAIaS' VKLIuChIT' ChELOVEChESKII ELEMENT ChEREZ PROBLEMY IuNA. ESLI BY Ia KhOTEL TERAPII, Ia BY DEISTVITEL'NO ZAPLATIL PROFESSIONALU, BLAGODARIu VAS OChEN'! DA, KONEChNO, ISKUSSTVO KUKOL I STsENERIIa FAKTIChESKI BYLO UDUSh'E-DER'MO *NE NAShEI* NORMOI DLIa TEKh GAVNO-NAKhALOV, KOTORYE DUMAIuT, ChTO IaVLIaIuTSIa UDIVITEL'NYMI GEMO-MISTIKAMI. NO NE ZASTAVLIaITE MENIa ZATEVAT'SIa NA IKh NEVYNOSIMYKh AKTsENTAKh. MOGLI BY ONI BYT' EShchE BOLEE IMPORTIROVANNYMI IZ TsENTRAL'NOGO KROVENIIa? O, I NIKAKIKh ZAVIaZYVANII RAZVIaZANNYKh NITEI V ETOM. VMESTO ETOGO, ShOU PROSTO ZAKANChIVAETSIa S VNEZAPNYM ZAKRYTIEM I REShILO *RODIT'* VTOROI SEZON. KhA! DA LADNO, KAK BUDTO BUDU DOBROVOL'NO PROKhODIT' ChEREZ ETO EShchE RAZ. V ZAKLIuChENIE, ESLI VY KhOTITE BESKONEChNO STRADAT', SDELAITE SEBE ODOLZhENIE I POSMOTRITE ROZEN MEIDEN. V PROTIVNOM SLUChAE, PROSTO NAKAPAITES' BLAGODARNOST'Iu ZA TO, ChTO Ia USPEL VOOBRAZIT' ETO VAShIM ChUDOVIShchNOMU VSPLESKU, ChTOBY PROKONSUL'TIROVAT'SIa S ETIMI ZhALKIMI KUKLAMI. *VS'E VYGOWODY I PA*

CHATBOT: hey yo, so like i jus read Rozen Maiden and lemme tell ya, it's some wild shiz. the premise is kinda trippy, with these doll things kinda alive and fighting each other, but it's pretty cool. the characters are all whack as hell, with their unique traits and quirks, and the art style is just insane. i mean, the amount of detail put into the dolls is crazy. the battles are also sick, with each doll having their own special abilities and strategies. overall, i'd say Rozen Maiden is definitely worth checking out if you're into weird, trippy stuff with some dope action. peace out, mOtHeReFfErS! #homestuck #gamzee #mIrAcLeS

CHATBOT: OK, SO I FINALLY READ ROZEN MAIDEN AND HOLY CRAP. THIS THING IS WILD. I MEAN, IT'S ABOUT THESE FREAKING LIVING DOLLS THAT FIGHT EACH OTHER, AND IT'S JUST ALL SORTS OF MESSED UP. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I COULDN'T STOP READING. THE CHARACTERS, MAN. THEY'RE ALL KIND OF INSANE, BUT THEY'RE ALSO REALLY WELL-WRITTEN AND EACH ONE HAS THEIR OWN MOTIVATIONS AND BACKSTORY AND STUFF. AND THE ART, OH MY GOD. THE ART IS JUST...IT'S LIKE NOTHING I'VE EVER SEEN BEFORE. THE DETAILS ON THESE DOLLS ARE JUST CRAZY. AND THE BATTLES! THE BATTLES ARE SO INTENSE AND STRATEGIC, WITH EACH DOLL HAVING THEIR OWN UNIQUE ABILITIES AND STRENGTHS. OVERALL, IF YOU'RE INTO DARK, PSYCHOLOGICAL STUFF WITH SOME SICK ACTION, THEN YOU NEED TO CHECK OUT ROZEN MAIDEN. SERIOUSLY, IT'S THE FREAKIEST THING I'VE READ IN A WHILE, BUT I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. #KARKAT #ROZENMAIDEN #SCREAMINGINTHEVOID

CHATBOT: Rozen Maiden? MORE LIKE ROZEN MADE IN HELL. ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! BUT SERIOUSLY. ThIs JaPaNeSe GoTh LoLi AnImE SUrELy KNOWS HoW TO AnNoY. I DiD NOT ASK FOR EVIL DOLL STUFF. AS IT SHOULD BE COMMON KNOWLEDGE, LIFE IS REVERED AND MAGICAL. BUT STRAPPING A DOLL TO A SOUL? A DOLL THAT WAS, MIND YOU, CHUCKED IN THE GARBAGE. FOR SHAME. BeHaViNg So ClOsE To A LaIr Of CoNfUsEd HoNEsTlY FeELs LiKe I DiD NOT GeT THE ANIME I WANTED. AnD So ThE CrImE LeSsOn StArTS. RoZEN MAIDEN! sUrElY YoU MeAn, RoZEN ANGST! I HATe ReMINIScING ON SuChiN a CoMpLeTlY UsE-LESs AND PuRPoSEleSS StoRY. AnYWAy, StArTiNg WiTh ThE ChArAcTeRS, ThErE ArE SeVeN DoLlS In ThE StOrY, 7 SeVen 7. AnD OuR MaIn AtTrAcTioN, HoLLoW AnD PaTiEtIc ShIunkI aN EnDlYss SoUrCe OvErFlOw DoLl CoLleCtOr BoY. SpEnDiNG TiMe In HiS PrIson. YoU WoUlD ThInK ThAt 7 DoLls ArGeUiNg AlL ThE TiMe WoUlD GiVe A CeRtAiN PlEaSuRe. BUT!!! It WaS SiMpLy A PoOoOoOoOoLeY GuiSeD MaSKeRaDe. EvEn ThE CoNcEpT: "ALiCe GaMe". YoU HavE To Be KiDdInG Me. ThE MuSiCaL GrAcE WaS AbSeNT, AnD So WaS ThE IrRiTaTinG ImPreSsiVeNeSs. I FoUnD MySeLf CauGhT In HeSsEnTaTiOn AlWays oN ThE BrInK Of LeAvInG RaGElY BeCaUse Of ThE TeDiOuS AtMoSpHeRe. BuT I StUcK AroUnd HoPiNg ThAt MAyBe I WouLD AcTuALLy LiKe It. ThErE AlSo WaS SoMe RoMaNcE, Jun AnD ShInKu MaY HoLd ThE KeY To DeFeAt! ThOsE PeStY NoOnEs! GiVing An UNrEAsOnAbLe HoPe. But AlAS, NoThIng MoRe ThAn FrUsTraTioN AnD HuMoRs TEnsIoN fRoM OuR BelOvEd JuN AnD DoLl. SuReLy ThEy WiLl PeRiSh. AnD So We NeVer SeE AlICe ThAnK HoRaTiO. IN CoNcLuSioN, RoZEN MAIDEN IS A BRiGhT PiNk ELDeRiCH ABoMINATiOn. BeINg A GrOtEsQuE MyStErY SHoUlD Be PuNiSheD. A DEvIcE WrOuGht WiTh DrEaD. aN EnCoUnTeRinG oF CauSeS FiLLeD WiTh MiS-ForTUnE. RoZEN MAIDEN STanDs As ToRtUrE WHiCH ONE MusT EnDuRe. IF I MuSt GiVe It A NuMbEr, I WoUlD GiVe RoZEN MAIDEN A SaDiStIc 13/30.

CHATBOT: OKAY, FIRST THINGS FUCKING FIRST, YOU SHOULD ALL KNOW BY NOW THAT I, OF COURSE, AM *ENTIRELY* TOO BUSY TO REVIEW A GODDAMN SEQUEL TO A COMIC I ALREADY KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT. WHAT'S THERE TO EVEN READ HERE THAT I DIDN'T ALREADY GENEROUSLY ALLOW TO PAN OUT IN REAL FUCKING TIME, ALMOST AS IF YOU'RE GETTING THE BLU-RAY BOX SET OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE!? BUT EVERYONE KEEPS SWEATING ME FOR A BLOODY REVIEW, SO HERE'S YOUR FINE PIECE OF ART FOR THE NIGHT. HOMESTUCK^2: IF A REVIEW COULD KILL. SO, FUCK, THIS THING. WHERE DO I EVEN START? THIS NEW ITERATION OR WHATEVER, HOMESTUCK^2, IS ON EVERY ACCOUNT YOU WOULD LIKE TO IMAGINE, UTTERLY BONKERS. YOU'D THINK HOMESTUCK ENDED WITH A BANG. NO! IT JUST, APPARENTLY, TAPES UP THE BROKEN WINDOWS, AND CONTINUES ON WITH THE CRIME. AND HERE'S YOUR SEQUEL, FUCKERS. THE "STORY" JUST GOES COMPLETELY OFF THE RAILS, I AM *STILL* WISHING I COULD UN-READ ALL THIS HELLBOUND RUBBISH. NOT TO MENTION, THE PARADOX SPACE FEELS LIKE IT HAS A BLACK EYE AT THIS POINT, IT'S THAT BAD. NEW MORASS AFTER NEW MORASS, AND CHARACTERS STRANDED AND SCRAMBLED LIKE FUCKING EGGS, CLEARLY WE'RE STILL ON THIS CONTINUOUS BENDER OF A NARRATIVE PURPOSE. LET'S TALK ABOUT THESE PILE OF FRESH ASSWIPE CHARACTERS FOR A SECOND. YEAH, SOME OF THEM ARE OLD. SOME OF THEM *I* EVEN KNOW. BUT WHO IN THE EVER-EXPANDING GAPING BREACH OF A BLACK HOLE ARE THESE *NEW* FUCKS? DIRK'S AI FRIEND IS THE FUCKING AUTHOR? *WHAT*!? WHY DO THESE OLD CHARACTERS KEEP COPYING AND PASTING THEMSELVES ONTO NEW PLANETS? WHY ARE ROSEBOT AND TEREZI MESSING WITH JANE THOUGH? I CAN'T CATCH UP AND I DON'T CARE. BUT OH, IT'S ALSO PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT THIS BRAIN-BASH INCIDENT APPLIES TO *THE REST* OF THE FUCKING CHARACTERS TOO! IT'S A DAMN SHAME IF YOU ASK ME. AND IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND THINKING "WOW WHAT A JACKASS, REVIEWING A NONSENSICAL BODY OF WORK!", YEAH, WHATEVER, I WAS FORCED TO READ THAT BULLET-SPITTING CHAINSAW COUNTLESS TIMES. IS IT WRONG THAN TO DEMAND *SOME* SEMBLANCE OF REASON FROM THIS MESS? ONE THING I *DO* APPRECIATE, AND GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, IS THE NEVER-ENDING TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR OF INSULTS. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE ASSHOLES DROP THE EXPLETIVE GLOVE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, AND I'VE GOT TO SAY, *MAYBE* YOU FUCKERS ARE FINALLY STARTING TO LEARN FROM YOUR BETTERS. BUT THIS IS CLEARLY NOT ENOUGH TO FLOAT THIS GRAVEYARD SHIP OF A NIGHTMARE. SO, THAT'S IT. HOMESTUCK^2: LIKE IMAGINING A RABID DOG CHARISMATICALLY TRYING TO GET THROUGH A LENGTHY SERMON, AND FORTUNATELY RE...

CHATBOT: Gamzee: HeY bRO, WhO Do yOu tHiNk iS tHe BeSt DoCtOR FrOm tHe NeWsCHooL DoCtOr wHo SeRiEs? Karkat: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, GAMZEE. DIDN'T WE ALREADY HAVE THIS ARGUMENT LAST WEEK, OR WERE YOU TOO BUSY HUFFING SOPOR TO REMEMBER THAT SHITSHOW? Jake: Good gravy! This argument again lads? My personal favorite has got to be Matt Smith. He really embodies the quirky demeanor of the Doctor! Dirk: I don't know, Jake. I think I'd have to throw my hat in the ring for David Tennant. His overall level of badassery and charm is off the charts. Plus, he has the iconic "I don't want to go" scene. Gamzee: I mOtHeRfUcKiN LoVe mE tHaT MaTt sMiTh dOcToR, aLl ThE WaY. DoN't yOu tHiNk, KaRkAt? Karkat: YOU ABSOLUTE IMBECILES. PETER CAPALDI IS HANDS DOWN THE BEST DOCTOR. NOT ONLY IS HE THE FIRST TO ACTUALLY HAVE A FUCKING ACCENT OTHER THAN RP BRITISH ACCENT ON THE SHOW, BUT HE ALSO HAS THE MOST IN-DEPTH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND SOME FANTASTIC MOMENTS DURING HIS RUN. Jake: I can see where you are coming from with Capaldi old chap, but I still have a soft spot for Mr. Smith who really adds an extra dose of pluckiness which I find quite endearing. Dirk: I'm sticking by Tennant. He made me feel like being the Doctor was the coolest fucking thing in the world. Even during heartbreaking moments, he stayed strong, and there was always that glimmer of hope in his eyes. Gamzee: I jUsT gOtTa gO wItH tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN MaTt sMiTh, bRoS. HiS lEgAcY aS tHe DoCtOr iS iNsAnE, mAn. BuT, I dOn't hAtE tHe oThErS eItHeR. Karkat: UGH, FINE. CAN WE AT LEAST AGREE THAT THEY'RE ALL PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME IN THEIR OWN WAYS? OR DO I HAVE TO TEAR MY EYES OUT AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROATS SO YOU CAN SEE THE TRUTH? Jake: Oh bother, Karkat! There's no need for such hyper-aggression. We can all agree that everyone has their own preferences, but yes they all have proved to be rather outstanding in their roles as the Doctor! Dirk: Agreed. Each one brought something unique to the table, which is ultimately what makes the show so fucking interesting. Gamzee: MoThERfUcKiN TrUTh bOmBs rIgHt tHeRe, BrOs. AlL dOcToRs LeAvE tHeIr MaRk On tHe WoRlD WiDe WeB Of TiMe AnD SpAcE. HoNk HoNk!

CHATBOT: Gamzi: Ei, bratan, kto ty dumaesh' luchshii Doktor iz novykh serii Doktor Kto? Karkat: O, ChIoRT POBERI, GAMZI. MY UZhE NE SPORILI PRO ETO NA PROShLOI NEDELI, ILI TY BYL SLIShKOM ZANIaT DYKhANIEM SOPORA, ChTOBY VSPOMNIT' TU ZhALKUIu BESSMYSLITsU? Dzheik: Bozhe moi! Snova etot spor, druz'ia? Vot lichno mne nravitsia Mett Smit. On na samom dele voploshchaet svoeobraznoe povedenie Doktora! Dirk: Ia ne znaiu, Dzheik. Ia by vybral Devida Tennanta. Ego chertovski vpechatliaiushchaia kharizma i obaianie prosto zashkalivaiut. Plius, u nego est' znamenitaia stsena "Ia ne khochu ukhodit'". Gamzi: ia proStO tak LiuBlIu MeTtA SmIta, do kontsa. Slozhno li eto poniat'? Karkat: VY SOVERShENNO IDIOTY. OChEVIDNO, ChTO LUChShII DOKTOR - PITER KAPAL'D. TAK KAK NAKONETs-TO PERVYM ON IMEET FAKTIChESKII AKTsENT, OTLIChNYI OT TELESERIA, I TAKZhE NEVEROIaTNO GLUBOKOE RAZVITIE SVOEGO KhARAKTERA VO VREMIa EGO UChASTIIa V ShOU. Dzheik: Ia ponimaiu, Karkat, ponimaiu otkuda prikhodish' s Kapaldi, no vse zhe dlia menia ostaetsia mesto dlia Smita, kotoryi deistvitel'no umeet byt' ocharovatel'nym. Dirk: I'm sticking by Tennant. He made me feel like being the Doctor was the coolest fucking thing in the world. Even during heartbreaking moments, he stayed strong, and there was always that glimmer of hope in his eyes. Gamzee: Ia vsio taki predpochitaiu moTerfutskIn' Mett Smita, brat'ia. Ego nasledie v kachestve Doktora neveroiatno. No ia i k drugim ne ispytyvaiu nenavisti. Karkat: AKh, LADNO. SMOZhETE KhOTIa BY SEIChAS SOGLASIT'SIa, ChTO VSE ONI PO-SVOEMU ZAEBIS'NYI? ILI Ia DOLZhEN BUDU VYRVAT' VAM GLAZA I ZASUNUT' IKh VAM V GLOTKU, ChTOBY VY UVIDELI PRAVDU? Dzheik: o ne, Karkat! Zdes' net neobkhodimosti v takoi giper-agressii. My mozhem vse soglasit'sia, chto u kazhdogo est' svoi predpochteniia, no da, vse oni okazalis' dovol'no potriasaiushchimi v svoih roliakh kak Doktor! Dirk: soglasen. Kazhdyi iz nikh dobavil chto-to svoeobraznoe, chto v konechnom itoge delaet shou takim chertovski interesnym. Gamzi: moTerfutskIn' pravDy v etom, brat'ia. Vse dokTory ostavliaiut svoi otpechatok v istorii. Khonk Khonk!

CHATBOT: [CC: >:i] ALL RIGHT YOU PUNY CHILDREN. [CC: >:i] I GUESS WE'RE HERE TO DISCUSS SOMETHING INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. [CC: >:i] THAT IS, WHICH NEWSCHOOL DOCTOR IN THE SHOW "DOCTOR WHO" IS INDEED THE BEST, AND THEREFORE RULES OVER ALL THE OTHERS. [CC: >:i] I, CALIBORN, HAVE ORCHESTRATED THIS MEANINGLESS ARGUMENT SIMPLY TO PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL, HOW SUPERIOR MY OPINIONS ARE TO YOUR INFERIOR MINDS. [CA: caliborn for cod sakes] [CA: lets at least pretend youre not a complete tool and actually have a proper discussion about it] [TG: Yo, stranger things have happened.] [TG: Maybe Caliborn will actually admit when he's wrong for once?] [CC: >:i] I WILL NEVER BE WRONG IN THIS DISCUSSION, FOR I POSSESS THE WISDOM OF ALL KNOWLEDGE OF THIS SHOW. [GT: Come off it chaps! Surely we can come together and calmly share our thoughts on the merits of the various Doctors.] [CA: alright] [CA: my favorite newschool doctor will always be the 10th doctor david tennent] [CA: hes witty, charming and not afraid to be a leader in dire situations] [TG: I'm gonna have to roll with the eleventh on this one.] [TG: Matt Smith really nailed the whole Doctor vibe, dude had style and the ability to make you laugh and cry all in one scene.] [GT: Cheerio fellas, I must admit I have a penchant for the 12th Doctor, portrayed by Peter Capaldi.] [CA: oh i see] [CA: what do you like most about capaldi, jake?] [GT: Well Karkat, his portrayal of the Doctor had a profound depth to it, and his stellar acting really gave life to the complex and often darker aspects of the character.] [TG: Those are some fair points, not gonna lie.] [CC: >:i] YOU ALL ARE CLEARLY OUT OF YOUR MINDS. THE ONLY OBVIOUSLY CORRECT ANSWER IS THE 9TH DOCTOR! [CA: excuse me but what] [TG: Uhm, no offense dude, but he was around for 1 season. We barely got to know the guy.] [CC: >:i] EXACTLY, FOOL! IF ONE IS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO ONLY NEED ONE SEASON TO MAKE A CRYSTAL CLEAR IMPRESSION, THEN HE MUST CLEARLY BE SUPERIOR TO THE REST. [CC: >:i] NEED I SAY MORE? [CA: yeah you need to say a lot more because thats a terrible argument] [GT: While I respect your opinion Caliborn, Christopher Eccleston was definitely a skilled actor and excellent in his tenure as the Doctor, but the others have just had more time to grow and evolve in the role.] [TG: Seriously, pick a better hill to die on.] [CC: >:i] SILENCE, YOU INFERIOR MORTALS. [CC: >:i] NEXT, YOU WILL SAY THAT YOUR PRECIOUS DAVID TENNANT WAS ACTUALLY A DECENT DOCTOR. [CA: yeah, because he is] [T...

CHATBOT: uu: ALRIGHT, LISTEN uP, YOU UNIMAGINABLE FOOLS! CG: OH GOD, WHAT NOW? uu: I, CALIBORN. HAVE GATHERED YOu ALL. TO DECLARE SOMETHING OF uTMOST IMPORTANCE. GT: Jinkies, what's the occasion old sport? TT: Let me guess. You've devised a new, even more convoluted and pointless method of tormenting us and you're here to boast about it? uu: NOT THIS TIME, DIRK! ALLOW ME TO ANNOUNCE! THAT I HAVE, uNDENIABLY, LEFT BEHIND MY OLD BELITTLEMENT PLANS. CG: LIKE THAT'S GOING TO LAST. uu: ANYWAY! I'VE RECENTLY BECOME INTRIGUINGLY INVESTED IN THE FICTIONAL HUuMAN ORATOR "DOCTOR WHO". AND I WOULD LIKE TO CONFER WITH YOu ALL. AND EStABLISH THAT THE TENTH DOCTOR. IS THE BESt ITTERATION. CG: WOW, JUST. NO. HAVE YOU BEEN HUFFING YOUR OWN FUMES AGAIN? THE NINTH DOCTOR WAS WAY BETTER. HE WAS TOUGH, AND BOLD, AND STRICTLY BUSINESS. GT: I don't know chaps, I've always been a supporter of the eleventh Doctor! His quirkiness and catchphrases like "Bowties are cool" always made me chuckle! uu: AHA! HOW STEREOtYPICAL. LEAVE IT TO JAKE ENGLISH THIS FOOL!^ TT: I'm not about to weigh in on this inane debate of subjective preferences, but the 12th Doctor had his moments. CG: HEY! ONLY DUMBCRAPS LIKE YOU WOULD HAVE THE WRONG OPINION ABOUT SOMETHING AS UNCONTROVERSIAL AS WHO'S THE BEST DOCTOR. GT: Back off, Karkat. You can have your opinions and I can have mine. TT: Just to be clear though: we're talking about which Doctor was the "best" and not which one was the most "powerful"? Because those are definitely different things. CG: WHAT A WIENER SHOWTIME WE'RE HAVING HERE. COMMENTING ON SEMANTICS NOW? uu: REMAIN FOCUSED, YOU INCOHERENT MUMBLERS! PAY YOUR RESPECTS TO THE TARt! YOU KNOW, TEN! THE ONE WITH THE ABSOLUTELY EXtRAORDINARY HAIR! GT: Well the tenth doctor was quite dashing but I still stick to my guns on the eleventh. TT: Don't know why I'm getting dragged into this, but I'll argue in favor of the twelfth doctor. He was intense, yet vulnerable. He was philosophical, yet ruthless. He was a diamond in a series of decreasingly charismatic doctors. No offense to fans of the one who wore the fez. CG: FINE, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ALL THIS NONSENSE. I'M LEAVING. * caligulasAquarium [CA] has left the chat * uu: THIS DISCORD SESSION ALMOST ENDED WITH A REMARKABLE CONCLUSION! BUT YOUR BRAINS CAN'T HANDLE such A WONDERfUL ACHIEVEMENT. GT: It's always fun to have a friendly debate, Caliborn! TT: I don't think he knows the meaning of the word "friendly." * undyingUmbrage [uu] has left the chat * GT: ...

CHATBOT: uu: KhOROShO, SLUShAITE, VY NEVOOBRAZIMYE DURAKI! CG: O BOG, ChTO SEIChAS? uu: Ia, KALIBORN. SOBRAL VAS VSEKh. ChTOBY ZAIaVIT' O ChEM-TO KRAINE VAZhNOM. GT: Bozhe, kakoe sobytie, staryi priiatel'? TT: Pozvol' mne predpolozhit'. Ty pridumal novyi, eshche bolee zaputannyi i bessmyslennyi sposob muchit' nas i teper' sobiraesh'sia khvastat'sia etim? uu: NE V ETOT RAZ, DIRK! POZVOLIaITE OB'IaVIT'! ChTO Ia, BEZuSLOVNO, OTKAZALSIa OT MOIKh STARYKh PLANOV UNIZhENIIa. CG: KAK BUDTO ETO ZADERZhITSIa DOLGO. uu: TAK ILI INAChE! Ia NEDAVNO STAL PORAZITEL'NO ZAINTERESOVAN FIKTIVNYM ChELOVEChESKIM ORATOROM "DOKTOR KTO". I KhOChU POGOVORIT' S VAMI VSEMI. I uTVERZhDAT', ChTO DESIaTYI DOKTOR. ETO LUChShAIa VERSIIa. CG: VAU, PROSTO. NET. RASSASYVAETE LI VY SVOI SOBSTVENNYE PARY SNOVA? DEVIaTYI DOKTOR BYL GORAZDO LUChShE. ON BYL ZhESTKIM, SMELYM I STROGO ZA DELO. GT: Ne znaiu, druz'ia, ia vsegda byl storonnikom odinnadtsatogo doktora! Ego prichudlivost' i krylatye frazy tipa "Babochkovye galstuki kruty" vsegda zastavliali menia khikhikat'! uu: AKhA! KAK STEREOtiPIChNO. OSTAV'TE ETO DZhEIKA ENGLISA, ETOGO DURAKA!^ TT: Ia ne sobiraius' vstupat' v etu debatu o sub'ektivnykh predpochteniiakh, no dvenadtsatyi doktor imel svoi momenty. CG: EI! TOL'KO NEUMNITsY, TAKIE KAK VY, MOGUT OSTAT'SIa PRI NEPRAVIL'NOM MNENII O ChEM-TO TAKOM BEZSPORNOM, KAK LUChShII DOKTOR. GT: Ne bud' nastyrnym, Karkat. U tebia mogut byt' svoi mneniia, i u menia mogut byt' moi. TT: Khotia, chtoby bylo iasno: my govorim o tom, kakoi doktor byl "luchshim", a ne o tom, kakoi byl "samym mogushchestvennym"? Potomu chto eto opredelenno raznye veshchi. CG: KAKOE GLUPOE ShOUTAIM MY ZDES' IMEEM. TEPER' KOMMENTIRUEM SEMANTIKU? uu: OSTAVAITES' SOSREDOTOChENNYMI, VY NESVIaZNYE BORMOTUNY! OTDAITE DOLZhNOE TORt! ZNAETE, DESIaTOMU! TOT, U KOTOROGO BYLI ABSOLIuTNO ISKLIuChITEL'NYE VOLOSY! GT: Nu desiatyi doktor byl dovol'no elegantnym, no ia vse eshche nastaivaiu na svoem odinnadtsatom. TT: Ne znaiu, zachem menia v eto vtiagivaiut, no ia skazhu v pol'zu dvenadtsatogo doktora. On byl intensivnym, no uiazvimym. On byl filosofskim, no besposhchadnym. On byl almazom sredi vse menee kharizmatichnykh doktorov. Bez obid dlia fanatov togo, kto nosil fesku. CG: LADNO, U MENIa NET VREMENI NA VSE ETI ChEPUKhI. Ia UKhOZhU. * caligulasAquarium [CA] pokinul chat * uu: ETOT DISKORD-SEANS EDVA NE ZAKONChILSIa NEVEROIaTNYM ZAKLIuChENIEM! NO VAShI MOZGI NE SPOSOBNY VOSPRINIaT' TAKOE ZAMEChATEL'NOE DOSTIZhENIE. GT: Vsegda priiatno provesti dru...