I'm going to have you help me re-write some action for my screenplay. The following is the logline and pitch packet summary. Don't re-write. This is just so you understand the basics of the script. EVIL GHOST SONIC GUNS Logline: In "Evil Ghost Sonic Guns," a darkly comedic horror-action adventure, an experimental musician discovers her unique sounds might be humanity's only defense against a mind-shredding ghost invasion, if she can reconcile with the spectral child from her troubled past. ELEVATOR PITCH The first thing you need to know is the southwestern US is under attack. Not by guns that blast a bullet in your chest but by sonic weapons that tear a hole in your mind and fill it with ghosts. These sound frequencies create such crazy terror in people that they kill themselves and each other in ways beyond the bounds of natural understanding. It's an invasion that's ghostly, but the question remains: are these spirits a haunting reality or hallucinations caused by the ghost guns? And into this steps DENISE, an underground electronic musician and a recovering drug addict with a fuck you attitude that has kept her booked at the small side stages of festivals despite the WOW factor of her junkyard jungle of sound technology. So when the campout rave Denise is performing at is attacked by a mysterious gunman armed with a sonic ghost gun, what she discovers is that somehow, her cacophony of sound is enough to protect those in earshot from the "pseudo" supernatural ghost attacks. Which is great news except Denise doesn't know quite how she created the sound. Denise's accidental breakthrough puts her squarely in the sights of the enigmatic and sardonic FBI Agent Robert Habercorn, a seasoned FBI operative entrenched in the bizarre. His mission? Recruit Denise's uncanny audio-talent to combat the escalating phantom warfare. For Denise, the catch isn't just re-engineering her sonic fluke; it's silencing the child apparition from her past - a relentless spirit tied to a guilt-ridden memory she can't escape. Despite being told that the ghost is a mere hallucination--a byproduct of the sonic weapon's eerie effects--both Denise and Agent Habercorn feel there's truth to the child's presence The spectral child makes an ultimatum: make amends or she won't lead them to the dooms day cult behind the attacks, leaving the planet vulnerable to imminent evil ghost domination. As the countdown to apocalypse ticks on, Denise must confront her guilt, master her creation, and step up as the unexpected hero in a symphony of survival. "Evil Ghost Sonic Guns" pulsates with an electrifying mix of gritty action, biting humor, and heart-thumping horror. Imagine the raw energy of an underground music scene clashing with paranormal pandemonium - all woven into a narrative that promises to rock both the senses and the spirit. This isn't just a film; it's the opening note of the next great horror-action franchise, riveting audiences with its immersive soundtrack and innovative scares. Get ready for a tempo of terror that sets a new rhythm for the battle between this world and the next.

EXT. EDUARDO'S CAR (MOVING) - DAY Eduardo drives down the freeway. Robert talks to Denise on the phone. Her voice singles she's in a panic.

Re-write Acton only please. And less wordy

INT. DENISE'S ARTIST LOFT - DAY Denise hides under her bed, armed with a large kitchen knife. The doorbell rings. She ignores the ring and stays silent. Ten seconds later it rings again followed by a loud knock. RACHEL (O.S.) DENISE! ARE YOU HOME!? Relieved, Denise rolls out from underneath the bed. DENISE Coming Rachel! Denise sets the kitchen knife on the ground, opens the door a crack and peeks out. It's Rachel with Aphex Twin. DENISE Thank God. Denise opens the door, grabs Aphex Twin and kisses her. DENISE Oh thank you Rachel. You have no idea how much I needed to squeeze her right now. RACHEL I can only imagine... We hear LOUD BASS followed by A BLINDING GLOW from outside. DENISE Oh god no. Aphex Twin barks furiously. RACHEL What's wrong? And on that, Rachel supernaturally PINBALLS from wall to wall with LIGHTNING SPEED. Denise runs for the door but Rachel grabs her from behind, FLINGING Denise and Aphex Twin across the room. ROSE (O.S.) KNIFE! Rose APPEARS and slides the knife across to Denise. Denise picks up the knife just as Rachel TACKLES HER. The knife PLUNGES into Rachel's stomach. Denise rolls off Rachel. Rachel looks down at the knife sticking out of her stomach in disbelief. This somehow awakens the real Rachel. RACHEL (Struggling) Tell Joe that he was the love of my life. Rachel pulls out the knife and SLASHES HER OWN THROAT with such supernatural force that her head is SEVERED cleanly. Robert and Eduardo run in through the open door a few seconds later. Both stop dead in their tracks at the sight of the carnage. EDUARDO Oh dear Lord! <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PERSON> continues to bark. Denise drops down to her knees. She manages to get out the word... DENISE Grasshopper. Denise points out the door.

Rose is a child ghost

EXT. DENISE'S LOFT - DAY Robert runs out and looks up. Robert sees Grasshopper effortlessly leaping off the opposite side of the building. EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY Robert chases Grasshopper across the almost full parking lot. Grasshopper disappears behind a row of vehicles. Robert jumps on the roof of a pick-up truck to get an aerial view of the lot. Nothing. He jumps off the truck, runs across the next row of cars. Nothing. He runs to the next row of cars and then hears the sound of deep bass. The powerful glow illuminates above Grasshopper, revealing that he is under a parked car in sniper position. ROBERT Uh oh. The glow dissipates. Grasshopper has disappeared. But someone else is now there in his place. It's POPS and his head is split open, blood dripping down his face. POPS (Confused) Where am I? ROBERT This isn't real. Pops slides out from underneath the car and walks towards Robert. POPS I hope it's not Robert. This feeling... it's the same as when I lost you at the mall when you were nine and you didn't come home for two days. I feel helpless. I'm so frightened. Tears well up in both of their eyes. ROBERT You don't need to be scared Pops. Robert hops off the roof of the car. POPS Robert, I never told you how proud I am of you. Pops hugs Robert. POPS Even though... Roberts breaks down in tears. POPS ... YOU'RE A FUCKING WISEASS! Pops GRABS Robert by the hair and slams his head through the car window. IN REALITY: Robert pulls his head out of the window and then violently throws himself to the ground while punching himself in the face. And then... ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! Eduardo TASES Robert, three times before he finally passes out. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY Robert drifts back into consciousness. He rubs his temples, trying to clear his head from the grogginess. Eduardo, wearing a concerned expression, stands over him. EDUARDO Are you okay? ROBERT No.

INT. DENISE'S LOFT - DAY Robert and Eduardo re-enter Denise's loft. Denise, clutching Aphex Twin tightly, slumps in the corner, her gaze distant and empty.

IT's not just disheveled but gruesome

INT. VAN (MOVING) - DAY Robert silently drives while Denise works on setting up her turntables in the back of the van. ROBERT What are you doing? DENISE I was just seeing if their was enough room for the turntables to be set up back here. It's not going to work like this. Robert dials Pops. The ringing fills the silence of the van, but it eventually transitions to Pops' voicemail. POP'S VOICEMAIL (RECORDED) Leave a message and I'll call you back... if you're lucky. Robert tries to hold back his emotions, his lip quivers as he fights back the urge to break down. He turns on the radio for some distraction; "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye plays. He finally breaks into tears and pulls the car to the side of the road. ROBERT My Pops... He's a ghost... and that makes him dead. DENISE I'm really sorry Robert. Is he here with us in the car now? ROBERT No. (Realizing) Why, is Rose here? DENISE Yes. It's REVEALED that Rose is floating in the back of the van. Robert slows to a mild cry. DENISE She came back when Grasshopper fired the ghost frequency into my place. ROBERT Ask Rose why Grasshopper came after you specifically? DENISE It's because I told him that I could stop the ghost attacks with my music when you were in the bathroom. Of course, I didn't know he was really Grasshopper and not Wolfie, but I did know something wasn't right about him. ROBERT Ask her where the next attack is going to be? ROSE I know where. And I know lots of other secrets about the One-Eye King's plans. I'll tell you everything after you take me to my mommy and daddy. DENISE She knows where the attack is going to happen and she knows lots of other secrets about the One-Eye King. ROBERT THE ONE-EYE FUCKING KING! DENISE Um, yeah. She'll tell us everything if we take her to see her parents. ROBERT Give me Rose's last name and I'll get their address. DENISE They live in Reseda. I know where. (Reluctantly) I just don't know if I can face them. Denise buries her head in her chest. Aphex Twin licks her spastically. ROBERT We need to go to Eduardo's first and get you cleaned up.

a hair less wordy

INT. EDUARDO'S LIVING ROOM - DAY Robert and Denise (with her suitcase) walk inside led by Eduardo. JLo rolls in from the hallway. Aphex Twin continuously barks at her. JLO Hello. Would anyone like another peanut butter chocolate smoothie? ROBERT Fuck yes, I would. JLo rolls out of the room. Aphex Twin stops barking. ROBERT Denise, what did you do to neutralize the ghost frequency? DENISE The Tweak Scratch. If you want to see it in action, the inventor Mix Master Mike performs it in the Beastie Boys' video for "Three MC's and One DJ". EDUARDO I enjoy the Beastie Boys. A long moment of silence. DENISE So when I Tweaked Scratched, I could see that this was interfering with the ghost frequency signal. But it wasn't until I hit the wah-wah pedal that Rose completely disappeared. All we have to do is have Carlos, that works at Best Buy with me, pimp the van to make it fit. ROBERT Call him. DENISE I will. (To Eduardo) Where's the shower? EDUARDO It's upstairs to the right. You can borrow some of JLo's clothes in the closet down the hall.

INT. BATHROOM - DAY Denise sits, partially undressed with a towel wrapped around her, on the toilet lid, holding her phone to her ear as steam rises from the shower behind her. DENISE All I can tell you is that's it's been a clusterfuck of epic proportions. I really need your help and I don't have time to explain. CARLOS (V.O.) What do you need? DENISE I have to figure out a way to fit my turntables in the van so I have room to operate. CARLOS (V.O.) You know I've been wanting to pimp that shit out for a minute. A text message notification interrupts. It's from Joe. DENISE I'll let you know when I'm dropping it off. Thank you so much Carlos. Denise clicks on the message. It's a video message. ON THE VIDEO: It's Joe. His face is flushed and he's terrified. The CAMERA 360's to reveal he's actually hanging upside down. The CAMERA PULLS BACK again to reveal that Joe is somehow levitating in the middle of the room, swinging back and forth. The CAMERA then FLIPS PERSPECTIVES to reveal Grasshopper is the one holding the phone. Grasshopper still speaks in Wolfie's voice. GRASSHOPPER Hey hey Denise. Your ex-snack and I are getting turnt up at his sick crib. So get your pancake booty over here and let's make it a full on famjam dayger. Grasshopper cracks up. JOE Don't!... The video ends. DENISE Oh my god. Denise bursts off the toilet, pulls on her shirt and snaps her pants up as she goes for the door. ROSE WAIT! Rose appears in front of her. ROSE It's a trap. DENISE I have no choice. ROSE You can let me in. DENISE What do you mean? ROSE Denise, you are one of the special ones and you have the ability to use all of my special powers. Powers that can save Joe. You just have to let me in. DENISE I have to tell Robert first. ROSE If you do, then he will die. And so will Joe. DENISE (Realizing) I know how to let you in. Denise takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. And WHOOSH! Rose is sucked into Denise's nostrils. Denise opens back up her eyes. DENISE Aphex Twin needs to take her medication in an hour. So I have to bring her with us. (Rose's voice) She's a really cute doggy.

INT. EDUARDO'S LAB - DAY Robert talks on the phone, while Eduardo fiddles with the sonic gun. ROBERT Cindy, can you please find out what happened to my Pops for me? INT. CAR (PARKED) - DAY Cindy sits in her BMW on the side of road, talking on her burner. CINDY (Concerned) What do you think happened to him? ROBERT I think he's dead. CINDY I'll find out for you. And I'm sorry Robert. ROBERT (Voice cracking) Thanks. Okay, what do you got? CINDY I found some fucked up monk shit. But not in Tibet or India. Fourteen months ago in Buryatia, Russia, at least sixty monks were mysteriously slaughtered overnight. ROBERT Were there any suspects? CINDY This is Russia, so who knows. But this wasn't a normal Buddhist temple either. It held the preserved body of Dashi-Dorzho Itigilov -- a monk whose body supposedly has miraculously resisted decay almost a century after his death. ROBERT Look for any connection with that temple and someone nicknamed the One-Eye King. And possibly a Japanese connection as well. CINDY Well, I can tell you that the One-Eye King was the nickname of Shoko Asahara, the former leader of the Aum Supreme Truth Cult from Japan. They were responsible for the sarin gas attacks on the Tokyo subways in 1995. ROBERT They're the doomsday cult that believed in this Nazi style blend of the occult with modern science. Their leader Shoko Asahara was hell bent on world domination in a post-armaggedon world. I've never heard the nickname One-eye King, but I do know he was blind in one of his eyes so... did this all somehow just get a whole lot freakier? CINDY I hope you don't think Shoko Asahara has anything to do with this, since he was executed in 2018. ROBERT We need to find out if any members of the Aum Supreme Truth Cult are here in the United States. Obviously, check Southern California and Arizona first... CINDY I can't dig anymore with the heat. ROBERT Listen to me Cindy. Something horrible is about to go down and I'm going to need the full goon squad. CINDY I told you that I'm not risking that again. ROBERT And what happened the last time I tried to fucking warn you? You're scared about you losing your job? What you really should be fucking terrified of is everyone you know dying a horrible death, including your horrible white rapper sons! CINDY Do you think the ghost of Shoko Asahara is somehow responsible for these attacks? ROBERT I'm not ruling it out. CINDY I can't be part of this anymore. ROBERT I introduced you to the Quaorians on their spacecraft and this is a bridge too far. You know what, if we make it out of this alive I'm leaking File Quoaor anyway. The world deserves to know. CINDY You really shouldn't fuck with me Robert. Cindy hangs up. Robert closes his eyes. He knows he fucked up. ROBERT (Frustrated) What's taking her so goddamned long? INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY Robert storms up the stairs. ROBERT Denise! The bathroom door is open and so is the window. Denise is gone. INT. EDUARDO'S CAR (MOVING) - EVEN

INT. EDUARDO'S CAR (MOVING) - EVENING Eduardo drives while Robert looks down at the scanner. ROBERT So, about three years ago, I was given an opportunity to visit a sacred Buddhist monastery that's built into the Himalayan mountains. I witnessed these monks' ability to use a combination of sounds and chants that were able to move huge fucking stones, as well as put on one seriously mind-blowing puppet show. Levitation, incidentally, is just one of four psychic powers mentioned within Buddhist scriptures, alongside telepathy, psychokinesis, and the ability to divide the astral body from the physical body whatever the fuck that means. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that this evil Japanese doomsday cult the Aum Supreme Truth Cult murdered a bunch of monks and stole these secrets. EDUARDO They somehow figured out a way to weaponize the ghost frequency using modern technology. ROBERT And we know damn well that these sound secrets didn't come from Buddha. Eduardo knows exactly what Robert is referring to and immediately covers his ears. Robert pulls Eduardo's hands from his ears and shouts into his right ear. ROBERT HOW DID THE QUAORIANS POWER THEIR SPACECRAFT AGAIN?! EDUARDO (Reluctantly) The Vortex. ROBERT We know damn well from the Quaoarians that the most powerful energy coming from any land on Earth is in the southwestern US. That's why the attacks took place in Sedona and Ojai. EDUARDO They power the weapons like the Quaoarians power their spacecraft. The energy from the vortex must be good for a couple of uses before they need re-charge the ghost guns. Robert looks down at the scanner. ROBERT She's stopped in Frogtown.

a little more exciting

a little less wordy

A tad more wordy

EXT. JOE AND RACHEL'S HOUSE - EVENING From a bird's eye view, we observe the scene, the suburban neighborhood quiet and seemingly peaceful; until it's revealed that five concealed snipers, dressed in the black unitards and armed with ghost guns, strategically positioned around the property. Slowly moving into frame, five objects emerge, resembling flying snakes. However, upon closer inspection, they reveal themselves to be just audio cables. And then with lightning speed, the cables WHIP DOWN around each of the snipers, INTSANTANEOUSLY BREAKING THEIR NECKS. A sniper dead body rolls off the roof and splats on the porch in front of Denise. She's eerily nonchalant. DENISE (As Rose) You're special Denise, even for the special ones. Denise steps over the body and calmly opens the front door.

Keep it exciting but a little less wordy

INT. JOE'S HOUSE - EVENING Denise walks in to find a possessed Grasshopper with a knife pressed against Joe's throat. Joe is still levitating upside down. DENISE Let him go. Grasshopper doesn't talk. But we HEAR HIS voice being broadcast into Denise's mind. It's his own voice and not Wolfie's anymore. GRASSHOPPER (V.O.) Denise, now is the time for us to go beyond the level of ordinary morality and achieve contact with a higher world than that of human beings. We must work to become the living organisms of a higher world. Those are his words and this is his new world that he builds for us. Denise extends out her hand and then the knife slowly turns from Joe and towards Grasshopper. Grasshopper then extends his hand. This causes Denise to grab herself by the neck. She starts to squeeze and struggles to breath. GRASSHOPPER (V.O.) Don't fight me Denise. We are the special ones and we will rule beside him. The One-Eye King commands us... Grasshopper body starts to shake. He can't hold it off Denise's power much longer. GRASSHOPPER Please don't kill me. Denise smiles as Grasshopper RIPS the knife across his chest and plunges it when he gets to his heart. Joe falls down in unison with Grasshopper's dead body. Denise stops choking herself. DENISE (Gasping for air) Oh my god. Joe, please tell me you're okay? Joe jolts up, stumbles back and then scampers out the door.

EXT. JOE AND RACHEL'S NEIGHBORHOOD - EVENING Joe runs down the street. Denise pulls up in the van. DENISE Joe, stop! Joe keeps running. DENISE (Calling) Hey, I need to give you Aphex Twin! She's not safe with me! Joe stops. Denise gets out and hands him Aphex Twin (with her pill case). DENISE Times are Pimo in 30 minutes, Hydro 8:00, Spiro 9:00 and Furo 10:30. Got it? Joe doesn't say anything. DENISE Got it. Joe nods his head. DENISE Joe, please let me explain. I had to do it or he would have killed you and... JOE (Interrupting) You were smiling. I just need to find Rachel and give her a hug right now. Denise knows she has to tell him... but she's a deer in the headlights. DENISE Okay. Denise backs up and stumbles before getting back in the van.

INT. VAN (MOVING) - NIGHT Denise navigates the van through the dimly lit streets of a run-down neighborhood. The flickering streetlights cast eerie shadows on the cracked sidewalks. DENISE I couldn't tell him. Joe's the only person that I've ever truly loved. And he's going to hate me forever. (As Rose) Denise, you're his family. And loving your family is all that matters. That's the reason I need to see my mommy and daddy. So I can hug them and give them kisses again. Cause being with them is all that matters. Denise parks the car on the side of the street. DENISE Rose, before we go in there's something else... that I need to tell you. But just like with Joe, I can't get the words out. (As Rose) You can tell me anything Denise. Denise takes a deep breath. DENISE (As Denise) So the reason, you are not alive is... the car that hit you right here in this front lawn, I was the one driving. Denise sobs. DENISE I'm so sorry Rose. There's a long beat. DENISE (As Rose) You didn't mean to. I forgive you Denise. Denise cries harder.

a tad less wordy

a hair less

EXT. ROSE'S PARENT'S HOUSE - NIGHT This once-charming house now bears the weight of time, with its worn out exterior. The remnants of broken furniture and discarded items further contribute to the disarray. DENISE What should I say to them? (As Rose) Tell them the truth. (As Denise) But Rose, they won't believe me. (As Rose) You must believe in the power of love Denise. Then they will believe in it too. Denise knocks on the door. She hears a faint rustling coming from within the house. Her heart quickens, a mix of anticipation and apprehension filling her. After a brief pause, the peephole in the door slides open, revealing a pair of suspicious eyes peering out. It's ROSE'S MOMMY. ROSE'S MOMMY Get the hell off our property! DENISE I was hoping I could come in and talk to you... about Rose. ROSE'S MOMMY I'm calling the cops. Rose's Mommy shuts the peephole. DENISE I'm sorry Rose. (As Rose) Trust me Denise. They will believe. Denise raises her hands and the door FLIES OFF its hinges. INT. ROSE'S PARENT'S HOUSE - NIGHT Denise walks in. ROSE'S MOMMY (40's), skinny with the wrinkled face of a much older woman, scampers back toward the stairs. ROSE'S MOMMY (O.S.) (Calling) HAL! GET YOUR GUN! ROSE'S DADDY (40's) in bikini briefs with a beer belly runs down the stairs with his AR-15 semi-automatic rifle. ROSE'S DADDY You've got three seconds before I blow your ass to kingdom come. DENISE Please, don't shoot! Rose just wants to talk to you. I swear. ROSE'S DADDY Trying to play tricks! Don't you think you've done enough fucking damage? ROSE'S MOMMY Spray her ass Hal! Rose's Daddy charges Denise. He presses the barrel against her forehead. DENISE (As Rose) My favorite stuffed animal is my monkey Bananas and my favorite ice cream flavor is bubble gum. It's me daddy, your big bumble bee... bzzzz, bzzzz, bzzzz. Rose's Mommy and Daddy are shocked. ROSE'S MOMMY How in the hell could she possibly know all that? ROSE'S DADDY She can't. Rose's Daddy lowers the gun. DENISE (As Rose) I missed you so much mommy and daddy. Rose's Daddy drops the rifle, breaks into tears and hugs Denise. Rose's Mommy does the same. ROSE'S DADDY I love you big bumble bee! ROSE'S MOMMY Oh thank you God. DENISE (As Rose) Thank the One-Eye King. And on that, Denise raises up her hand and Rose's Mommy and Daddy are THROWN and PINNED UP against the wall, both in a Jesus Christ pose. Denise pulls out Grasshopper's knife, concealed behind her back. DENISE (As Denise) ROSE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Denise attempts to wrestle the knife away from Rose's power with her left hand. ROSE'S DADDY PUT US DOWN YOU EVIL CUNT! DENISE (As Rose) You have a naughty mouth daddy! The knife slips out of her left hand and SPEARS through Rose's Daddy's mouth. ROSE'S MOMMY I always knew that you would come back and finish us off, you fucking witch. DENISE (As Rose) You have a naughty mouth too, mommy! Denise pulls the knife out of Rose's Daddy's mouth and then SPEARS it into Rose's Mommy's mouth. DENISE (Barely getting the words out) No, no... why? (As Rose) I just wanted to make your dreams come true. (Denise) WHAT?! (Rose) The dream you had of making mommy and daddy dead. (As Denise) Stop lying.