CHATBOT: Gamzee: HeY bRO, WhO Do yOu tHiNk iS tHe BeSt DoCtOR FrOm tHe NeWsCHooL DoCtOr wHo SeRiEs? Karkat: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, GAMZEE. DIDN'T WE ALREADY HAVE THIS ARGUMENT LAST WEEK, OR WERE YOU TOO BUSY HUFFING SOPOR TO REMEMBER THAT SHITSHOW? Jake: Good gravy! This argument again lads? My personal favorite has got to be Matt Smith. He really embodies the quirky demeanor of the Doctor! Dirk: I don't know, Jake. I think I'd have to throw my hat in the ring for David Tennant. His overall level of badassery and charm is off the charts. Plus, he has the iconic "I don't want to go" scene. Gamzee: I mOtHeRfUcKiN LoVe mE tHaT MaTt sMiTh dOcToR, aLl ThE WaY. DoN't yOu tHiNk, KaRkAt? Karkat: YOU ABSOLUTE IMBECILES. PETER CAPALDI IS HANDS DOWN THE BEST DOCTOR. NOT ONLY IS HE THE FIRST TO ACTUALLY HAVE A FUCKING ACCENT OTHER THAN RP BRITISH ACCENT ON THE SHOW, BUT HE ALSO HAS THE MOST IN-DEPTH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND SOME FANTASTIC MOMENTS DURING HIS RUN. Jake: I can see where you are coming from with Capaldi old chap, but I still have a soft spot for Mr. Smith who really adds an extra dose of pluckiness which I find quite endearing. Dirk: I'm sticking by Tennant. He made me feel like being the Doctor was the coolest fucking thing in the world. Even during heartbreaking moments, he stayed strong, and there was always that glimmer of hope in his eyes. Gamzee: I jUsT gOtTa gO wItH tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN MaTt sMiTh, bRoS. HiS lEgAcY aS tHe DoCtOr iS iNsAnE, mAn. BuT, I dOn't hAtE tHe oThErS eItHeR. Karkat: UGH, FINE. CAN WE AT LEAST AGREE THAT THEY'RE ALL PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME IN THEIR OWN WAYS? OR DO I HAVE TO TEAR MY EYES OUT AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROATS SO YOU CAN SEE THE TRUTH? Jake: Oh bother, Karkat! There's no need for such hyper-aggression. We can all agree that everyone has their own preferences, but yes they all have proved to be rather outstanding in their roles as the Doctor! Dirk: Agreed. Each one brought something unique to the table, which is ultimately what makes the show so fucking interesting. Gamzee: MoThERfUcKiN TrUTh bOmBs rIgHt tHeRe, BrOs. AlL dOcToRs LeAvE tHeIr MaRk On tHe WoRlD WiDe WeB Of TiMe AnD SpAcE. HoNk HoNk!

CHATBOT: Gamzi: Ei, bratan, kto ty dumaesh' luchshii Doktor iz novykh serii Doktor Kto? Karkat: O, ChIoRT POBERI, GAMZI. MY UZhE NE SPORILI PRO ETO NA PROShLOI NEDELI, ILI TY BYL SLIShKOM ZANIaT DYKhANIEM SOPORA, ChTOBY VSPOMNIT' TU ZhALKUIu BESSMYSLITsU? Dzheik: Bozhe moi! Snova etot spor, druz'ia? Vot lichno mne nravitsia Mett Smit. On na samom dele voploshchaet svoeobraznoe povedenie Doktora! Dirk: Ia ne znaiu, Dzheik. Ia by vybral Devida Tennanta. Ego chertovski vpechatliaiushchaia kharizma i obaianie prosto zashkalivaiut. Plius, u nego est' znamenitaia stsena "Ia ne khochu ukhodit'". Gamzi: ia proStO tak LiuBlIu MeTtA SmIta, do kontsa. Slozhno li eto poniat'? Karkat: VY SOVERShENNO IDIOTY. OChEVIDNO, ChTO LUChShII DOKTOR - PITER KAPAL'D. TAK KAK NAKONETs-TO PERVYM ON IMEET FAKTIChESKII AKTsENT, OTLIChNYI OT TELESERIA, I TAKZhE NEVEROIaTNO GLUBOKOE RAZVITIE SVOEGO KhARAKTERA VO VREMIa EGO UChASTIIa V ShOU. Dzheik: Ia ponimaiu, Karkat, ponimaiu otkuda prikhodish' s Kapaldi, no vse zhe dlia menia ostaetsia mesto dlia Smita, kotoryi deistvitel'no umeet byt' ocharovatel'nym. Dirk: I'm sticking by Tennant. He made me feel like being the Doctor was the coolest fucking thing in the world. Even during heartbreaking moments, he stayed strong, and there was always that glimmer of hope in his eyes. Gamzee: Ia vsio taki predpochitaiu moTerfutskIn' Mett Smita, brat'ia. Ego nasledie v kachestve Doktora neveroiatno. No ia i k drugim ne ispytyvaiu nenavisti. Karkat: AKh, LADNO. SMOZhETE KhOTIa BY SEIChAS SOGLASIT'SIa, ChTO VSE ONI PO-SVOEMU ZAEBIS'NYI? ILI Ia DOLZhEN BUDU VYRVAT' VAM GLAZA I ZASUNUT' IKh VAM V GLOTKU, ChTOBY VY UVIDELI PRAVDU? Dzheik: o ne, Karkat! Zdes' net neobkhodimosti v takoi giper-agressii. My mozhem vse soglasit'sia, chto u kazhdogo est' svoi predpochteniia, no da, vse oni okazalis' dovol'no potriasaiushchimi v svoih roliakh kak Doktor! Dirk: soglasen. Kazhdyi iz nikh dobavil chto-to svoeobraznoe, chto v konechnom itoge delaet shou takim chertovski interesnym. Gamzi: moTerfutskIn' pravDy v etom, brat'ia. Vse dokTory ostavliaiut svoi otpechatok v istorii. Khonk Khonk!

CHATBOT: [CC: >:i] ALL RIGHT YOU PUNY CHILDREN. [CC: >:i] I GUESS WE'RE HERE TO DISCUSS SOMETHING INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. [CC: >:i] THAT IS, WHICH NEWSCHOOL DOCTOR IN THE SHOW "DOCTOR WHO" IS INDEED THE BEST, AND THEREFORE RULES OVER ALL THE OTHERS. [CC: >:i] I, CALIBORN, HAVE ORCHESTRATED THIS MEANINGLESS ARGUMENT SIMPLY TO PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL, HOW SUPERIOR MY OPINIONS ARE TO YOUR INFERIOR MINDS. [CA: caliborn for cod sakes] [CA: lets at least pretend youre not a complete tool and actually have a proper discussion about it] [TG: Yo, stranger things have happened.] [TG: Maybe Caliborn will actually admit when he's wrong for once?] [CC: >:i] I WILL NEVER BE WRONG IN THIS DISCUSSION, FOR I POSSESS THE WISDOM OF ALL KNOWLEDGE OF THIS SHOW. [GT: Come off it chaps! Surely we can come together and calmly share our thoughts on the merits of the various Doctors.] [CA: alright] [CA: my favorite newschool doctor will always be the 10th doctor david tennent] [CA: hes witty, charming and not afraid to be a leader in dire situations] [TG: I'm gonna have to roll with the eleventh on this one.] [TG: Matt Smith really nailed the whole Doctor vibe, dude had style and the ability to make you laugh and cry all in one scene.] [GT: Cheerio fellas, I must admit I have a penchant for the 12th Doctor, portrayed by Peter Capaldi.] [CA: oh i see] [CA: what do you like most about capaldi, jake?] [GT: Well Karkat, his portrayal of the Doctor had a profound depth to it, and his stellar acting really gave life to the complex and often darker aspects of the character.] [TG: Those are some fair points, not gonna lie.] [CC: >:i] YOU ALL ARE CLEARLY OUT OF YOUR MINDS. THE ONLY OBVIOUSLY CORRECT ANSWER IS THE 9TH DOCTOR! [CA: excuse me but what] [TG: Uhm, no offense dude, but he was around for 1 season. We barely got to know the guy.] [CC: >:i] EXACTLY, FOOL! IF ONE IS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO ONLY NEED ONE SEASON TO MAKE A CRYSTAL CLEAR IMPRESSION, THEN HE MUST CLEARLY BE SUPERIOR TO THE REST. [CC: >:i] NEED I SAY MORE? [CA: yeah you need to say a lot more because thats a terrible argument] [GT: While I respect your opinion Caliborn, Christopher Eccleston was definitely a skilled actor and excellent in his tenure as the Doctor, but the others have just had more time to grow and evolve in the role.] [TG: Seriously, pick a better hill to die on.] [CC: >:i] SILENCE, YOU INFERIOR MORTALS. [CC: >:i] NEXT, YOU WILL SAY THAT YOUR PRECIOUS DAVID TENNANT WAS ACTUALLY A DECENT DOCTOR. [CA: yeah, because he is] [T...

CHATBOT: uu: ALRIGHT, LISTEN uP, YOU UNIMAGINABLE FOOLS! CG: OH GOD, WHAT NOW? uu: I, CALIBORN. HAVE GATHERED YOu ALL. TO DECLARE SOMETHING OF uTMOST IMPORTANCE. GT: Jinkies, what's the occasion old sport? TT: Let me guess. You've devised a new, even more convoluted and pointless method of tormenting us and you're here to boast about it? uu: NOT THIS TIME, DIRK! ALLOW ME TO ANNOUNCE! THAT I HAVE, uNDENIABLY, LEFT BEHIND MY OLD BELITTLEMENT PLANS. CG: LIKE THAT'S GOING TO LAST. uu: ANYWAY! I'VE RECENTLY BECOME INTRIGUINGLY INVESTED IN THE FICTIONAL HUuMAN ORATOR "DOCTOR WHO". AND I WOULD LIKE TO CONFER WITH YOu ALL. AND EStABLISH THAT THE TENTH DOCTOR. IS THE BESt ITTERATION. CG: WOW, JUST. NO. HAVE YOU BEEN HUFFING YOUR OWN FUMES AGAIN? THE NINTH DOCTOR WAS WAY BETTER. HE WAS TOUGH, AND BOLD, AND STRICTLY BUSINESS. GT: I don't know chaps, I've always been a supporter of the eleventh Doctor! His quirkiness and catchphrases like "Bowties are cool" always made me chuckle! uu: AHA! HOW STEREOtYPICAL. LEAVE IT TO JAKE ENGLISH THIS FOOL!^ TT: I'm not about to weigh in on this inane debate of subjective preferences, but the 12th Doctor had his moments. CG: HEY! ONLY DUMBCRAPS LIKE YOU WOULD HAVE THE WRONG OPINION ABOUT SOMETHING AS UNCONTROVERSIAL AS WHO'S THE BEST DOCTOR. GT: Back off, Karkat. You can have your opinions and I can have mine. TT: Just to be clear though: we're talking about which Doctor was the "best" and not which one was the most "powerful"? Because those are definitely different things. CG: WHAT A WIENER SHOWTIME WE'RE HAVING HERE. COMMENTING ON SEMANTICS NOW? uu: REMAIN FOCUSED, YOU INCOHERENT MUMBLERS! PAY YOUR RESPECTS TO THE TARt! YOU KNOW, TEN! THE ONE WITH THE ABSOLUTELY EXtRAORDINARY HAIR! GT: Well the tenth doctor was quite dashing but I still stick to my guns on the eleventh. TT: Don't know why I'm getting dragged into this, but I'll argue in favor of the twelfth doctor. He was intense, yet vulnerable. He was philosophical, yet ruthless. He was a diamond in a series of decreasingly charismatic doctors. No offense to fans of the one who wore the fez. CG: FINE, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ALL THIS NONSENSE. I'M LEAVING. * caligulasAquarium [CA] has left the chat * uu: THIS DISCORD SESSION ALMOST ENDED WITH A REMARKABLE CONCLUSION! BUT YOUR BRAINS CAN'T HANDLE such A WONDERfUL ACHIEVEMENT. GT: It's always fun to have a friendly debate, Caliborn! TT: I don't think he knows the meaning of the word "friendly." * undyingUmbrage [uu] has left the chat * GT: ...

CHATBOT: uu: KhOROShO, SLUShAITE, VY NEVOOBRAZIMYE DURAKI! CG: O BOG, ChTO SEIChAS? uu: Ia, KALIBORN. SOBRAL VAS VSEKh. ChTOBY ZAIaVIT' O ChEM-TO KRAINE VAZhNOM. GT: Bozhe, kakoe sobytie, staryi priiatel'? TT: Pozvol' mne predpolozhit'. Ty pridumal novyi, eshche bolee zaputannyi i bessmyslennyi sposob muchit' nas i teper' sobiraesh'sia khvastat'sia etim? uu: NE V ETOT RAZ, DIRK! POZVOLIaITE OB'IaVIT'! ChTO Ia, BEZuSLOVNO, OTKAZALSIa OT MOIKh STARYKh PLANOV UNIZhENIIa. CG: KAK BUDTO ETO ZADERZhITSIa DOLGO. uu: TAK ILI INAChE! Ia NEDAVNO STAL PORAZITEL'NO ZAINTERESOVAN FIKTIVNYM ChELOVEChESKIM ORATOROM "DOKTOR KTO". I KhOChU POGOVORIT' S VAMI VSEMI. I uTVERZhDAT', ChTO DESIaTYI DOKTOR. ETO LUChShAIa VERSIIa. CG: VAU, PROSTO. NET. RASSASYVAETE LI VY SVOI SOBSTVENNYE PARY SNOVA? DEVIaTYI DOKTOR BYL GORAZDO LUChShE. ON BYL ZhESTKIM, SMELYM I STROGO ZA DELO. GT: Ne znaiu, druz'ia, ia vsegda byl storonnikom odinnadtsatogo doktora! Ego prichudlivost' i krylatye frazy tipa "Babochkovye galstuki kruty" vsegda zastavliali menia khikhikat'! uu: AKhA! KAK STEREOtiPIChNO. OSTAV'TE ETO DZhEIKA ENGLISA, ETOGO DURAKA!^ TT: Ia ne sobiraius' vstupat' v etu debatu o sub'ektivnykh predpochteniiakh, no dvenadtsatyi doktor imel svoi momenty. CG: EI! TOL'KO NEUMNITsY, TAKIE KAK VY, MOGUT OSTAT'SIa PRI NEPRAVIL'NOM MNENII O ChEM-TO TAKOM BEZSPORNOM, KAK LUChShII DOKTOR. GT: Ne bud' nastyrnym, Karkat. U tebia mogut byt' svoi mneniia, i u menia mogut byt' moi. TT: Khotia, chtoby bylo iasno: my govorim o tom, kakoi doktor byl "luchshim", a ne o tom, kakoi byl "samym mogushchestvennym"? Potomu chto eto opredelenno raznye veshchi. CG: KAKOE GLUPOE ShOUTAIM MY ZDES' IMEEM. TEPER' KOMMENTIRUEM SEMANTIKU? uu: OSTAVAITES' SOSREDOTOChENNYMI, VY NESVIaZNYE BORMOTUNY! OTDAITE DOLZhNOE TORt! ZNAETE, DESIaTOMU! TOT, U KOTOROGO BYLI ABSOLIuTNO ISKLIuChITEL'NYE VOLOSY! GT: Nu desiatyi doktor byl dovol'no elegantnym, no ia vse eshche nastaivaiu na svoem odinnadtsatom. TT: Ne znaiu, zachem menia v eto vtiagivaiut, no ia skazhu v pol'zu dvenadtsatogo doktora. On byl intensivnym, no uiazvimym. On byl filosofskim, no besposhchadnym. On byl almazom sredi vse menee kharizmatichnykh doktorov. Bez obid dlia fanatov togo, kto nosil fesku. CG: LADNO, U MENIa NET VREMENI NA VSE ETI ChEPUKhI. Ia UKhOZhU. * caligulasAquarium [CA] pokinul chat * uu: ETOT DISKORD-SEANS EDVA NE ZAKONChILSIa NEVEROIaTNYM ZAKLIuChENIEM! NO VAShI MOZGI NE SPOSOBNY VOSPRINIaT' TAKOE ZAMEChATEL'NOE DOSTIZhENIE. GT: Vsegda priiatno provesti dru...