Please rewrite the following text from "Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc" into Ork speak from Warhammer 40k with a humorous tone, as if it were a parody of the original writing. Make the text more creative from its source material while not deviating from the plot at all. Be sure to be funny, creative, and spontaneous - don't always translate word for word. WRITE IN ALL CAPS. Do not use emojis or anything out of character. Translate this dialogue of MAKOTO DA SQUIBKRUSHA (also known as Makoto Naegi) talking to himself: "Hey, what's that on the desk?"

Now write Makoto talking to himself: "An orientation guide...? It's some kind of cheap-looking pamphlet. And there's something handwritten on it."

Translate this from the perspective of the note on the desk addressing Makoto: "The next semester is about to start. Starting today, this school will be your entire world."

Return to Makoto's perspective, external dialogue: "What the hell? Is this someone's idea of a joke?"

Internal dialogue of Makoto: "Okay, let's see. So what might have happened is..."