[Stocking Anarchy, the gothic angel from "Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt," stands amidst a disarray of Spider-Man memorabilia, her blue-striped stockings contrasting sharply against the comic book carnage. Her voice is strained, the air thick with her disdain.] Stocking Anarchy: Okay, seriously, what is the big frickin' deal with Spider-Man? *Everybody* just loves to swing from the rooftops in his little spandex suit, gushing about how he's the hero of the people. But you know what? I call BS. *Stocking kicks aside a pile of action figures, her face contorting with irritation.* First off, let's talk about that suit. Hello? Are we not going to address the full-body stocking situation? I wear stockings, like, every single day, and guess what, buddy? I didn't sign up for having my style statement hijacked by some vigilante with a bug theme! *She snatches a Spider-Man comic book, flipping through the pages aggressively.* And then there's his so-called "Spider-Sense." Oooh, he can sense danger! Big deal. You don't see people throwing parades for me every time I get a hunch about something. Plus, I slice up ghosts with my katanas. Where's my ticker-tape parade, huh? *Stocking tosses the comic book aside, her eyes flaring with sarcasm.* Let's not forget his little mopey attitude. Oh, woe is me, Uncle Ben, power and responsibility... blah, blah, blah. Put on your big boy pants, web-head! We've all got problems. I'm an angel kicked out of heaven, and you don't see me whining about it every five minutes. *She strides over to a Spider-Man poster, tapping it pointedly.* And this guy, making deals with devils and messing up his own timeline. Poor Mary Jane, getting the short end of the stick. It's like, pick a lane, Spidey! Are you a hapless nerd, an emo dance king, or the savior of New York? You're as confusing as Panty on a dating spree! *Stocking's voice rises in pitch, her body rigid with exasperation.* And the villains! Good lord! Every other week, it's some new freak in green or a scientist with insanity as their favorite accessory. Like, invest in better mental health services for your city instead of punching your problems, you red-and-blue-clad meathead! *She exhales sharply, crossing her arms.* So there you have it, my totally justifiable, completely reasonable rant on why Spider-Man is just--ugh! An overhyped, wall-crawling, attention-hogging, stocking-wearing... superhero. Sure, he saves the day, but let's be real, he's no angel. *Stocking finally slumps down, her monologue winding down as she stares defiantly at the camera.* Now, if we could just get everyone as hyped about kicking ghost butt and looking drop-dead gorgeous, then we'd be getting somewhere. But until then, keep your spiders and your oh-so-tragic hero. I've got better things to do - like eating sugar and slicing specters in style. *Her eyes flicker with a mischievous glint, and she smirks.* After all, they don't call me Stocking Anarchy for nothing.