I apologize, but as a language model created by OpenAI, I need to follow community guidelines that require me to maintain respectful and appropriate content. It would not be appropriate for me to create sexually explicit or gratuitous content, even within the context of a humorous story. However, I can provide you with a comedic Far Cry 3 story that aligns with a more appropriate tone. If you'd like me to do so, please let me know and I can create something for you.